Thursday, January 15, 2009


I refused to watch it at first, but have now been drawn in. Sigh. Anyway I am now on the third series. It seems original characters are effectively ‘levelling up’ by developing new super powers. Characters with previously lame or no powers seem to be able to shoot Hadouken style bolts, freeze people to death. There are a plethora of new characters with sketchy powers. Even Dr Suresh is getting in on the action. However, poor Dr Suresh who definitely drew the short straw dialogue wise and is arguably the dullest character, has only managed to turn himself into some grotesque being. Sigh…. The Heroes are all very immense and, yet again, the whole series is about stopping the destruction of The World, however most of the action takes place in New York. There are a lot of intricate plot details than blur past your brain and wreck havoc on your central nervous system. My paws are gripping the chair with a mixture of excitement and bewilderment. This is always the case when ANYTHING fictional brings in the space time continuum. Heroes is distinctly American and so during one of my quiet days, I set about pondering what heroes would be created if Heroes was ever re-made in the UK. Obviously they would be less glamorous and have more than a hint of bathos. Here is a cut out and keep list.

Vegan Rooster Boy:
Friendly animal activist who discovered whilst at university that he has
the ability to converse with caged chickens. Originally thinking he
would use his power to improve the livelihood of battery chickens,
Rooster boy has now become disillusioned as hens struggle with
understanding even the most basic concepts of Marxism and just pester
him with inane questions about 'the outside world'.

Telephone girl:
She has a really nice telephone manner. That's her power.

Inspector Rock paper scissor:
A police detective who has the ability to read minds, but only whilst playing the popular hand game, 'rock paper scissor'. Thus he has to coax all suspects that he is investigating into playing the seemingly harmless game whilst questioning them. His powers are limited to the UK and Ireland.

Postal strike super woman:
Ex royal mail worker who has the ability to fly whilst wearing her old royal mail uniform. When there's a postal strike, she decides to fly about the UK and single handedly deliver the mail. However, the task always proves impossible and she ends up going on strike herself.

Office girl:
Has the power to look busy at work, when there's actually nothing to do. She can also deflect terrorist missiles with her face.

Social ineptitude boy:
Has a rather dubious power of being socially inept and awkward in key situations, causing many to situations to escalate to 'curb your enthusiasm' levels of which Larry David would be proud. He has begun to write a situational comedy based on his experiences. After re-assessing his ability with Dr Suresh it is suspected that this may not actually be a special power, but in fact social interaction disorder.

Save the chickens, save......Hull.

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