Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Long time no blog 好久不写博克

It's been a while, and I'm going to keep this brief. This blog was always just a little sound board and I love the response to the GaGa post! I don't care if you love it or hate it - you read it and it produced a reaction. Shit, does that make me like GaGa? How ironic. Anyway, I now have another blog, focusing on Chinese pop culture, and I spend the rest of my time writing freelance articles about nice things like temples and spa owners. I will occasionally saunter back here to sound off about various things and write blog posts full of four letter words when I have the time.

If you are interested in things like football in China (come on, think about it - a football mad country with 1.3bn people struggles to produce a decent football team, what's going on?), the Chinese obsession with cute poop cartoons, what Lady GaGa means in Chinese and Chinese Lady GaGa imitators (Oh the horror! Can you imagine, pop stars copying other pop stars and pretending they are original?) then you can have take a gander at: www.chinarama.wordpress.com

I use wordpress because it is better X 1000.

Add to del.icio.us DiggIt! Reddit

Friday, March 19, 2010

Lady GaGa - The rise of an Idiot.

Shockingly clever to morons and praised as 'exciting!' by boring people, the rebel pop princess Lady GaGa (who is obviously a giant tool) is currently being hailed as a relevant à la mode cultural commentator and artistic genius this side of cutting edge.

I was hoping to go long enough without having to formulate an opinion on the pseudo avant-garde artiste. And then this happened:

The Lady GaGa ft. Beyonce video

Lady Gaga has, once again, nabbed what is already out there in the media sphere, copy and pasted the best bits, covered it in thongs, shit and glitter and curated it as her self-created personal artistic vision. Tarentino loves it. Michael Gondry doesn't.

Telephone is another video that's a blur of pop and dance, supposedly groping and grinding its way in the direction of, ahem, 'female empowerment.' Oh yeah, and this time it's also “a commentary on being overfed communication and advertisements and food in the US” and about "the kind of country that we are." Hmm...vague. Lyrically, it's challenged.

Telephone is not just about someone trying to get hold of you in a club, it's about the GaGa feeling suffocated by the nagging voice she hears telling her she needs to get back to work...Deep. Anyway, we'll stop there because trying to further analyse GaGa's lyrics is like necromancy or dancing about accountancy – it's pointless.

Luckily, GaGa has a following of fans almost as dedicated as the Despair Faction or the CCP's very own 五毛党, otherwise known as the 50 cent party (not related to the rapper). At the time of writing the video had been viewed one billion times. Any criticism of the video that appeared on the cesspit of 'yoof' culture that is the Youtube comment board was met by GaGa fans with the ferocity of a Minotaur; explanations of the video were also offered to those of us who are too stupid to 'get' the meglomanic GaGa.

Th<3nx> jakuna3333, so you mean like GaGa and Beyonce are forced to put Flouride and shit in our food as part of a Communist Disney plot to take over the world?

So what do we have here then?

Well, she's led into jail, which is a continuation of a previous video and that's clever. Apparently. Then she makes a dig at the accusations (of her being a man) that not only plagued herself, but also Gwen Stefani and Dana International. This apparently shows some balls (if you excuse the pun). It is also revealed that she, in fact, has no sex organs at all.

GaGa then struts about the yard wearing some glasses made of, and containing, cigarettes. Why? Because, it's tedious and pretentious and will have people guessing for years to come. Probably something to do with hiding behind objects and the girl being attracted not to GaGa, but the smell of the cigarettes, which symbolize materialism...Wow. She's like deconstructing pop culture. I think my brain just fell out through my ears.

Next up, it's the start of the hideous product placement, but it's alright folks, because GaGa says it's iron-ik. She's meant to be making a mockery of product placement.

OK so Virgin were her tour sponsors and GaGa is the creative director for Polaroid; she is helping with Polaroid's product design and also features Polaroid in the video too...I mean that's like OK because...actually I can't even come up with a faux reason involving irony that an idiot GaGa fan would let dribble out his/her mouth here. Ironic or not, it's still product placement. In fact, it's jaw-droppingly similar to Bill Hick's predicted ultimate television commercial.

Videos like this need a huge budget and can only be made using product placement, so undoubtedly the product placement was necessary. Other pop stars wishing to compete will undoubtedly have to do the same thing, and music videos will just become another major ground for advertising. Thanks GaGa for exacerbating exactly what you were meant to be attempting to sabotage or critique.

Ah ha, then she morphs into a negative of Amy Winehouse and starts dancing in bra and thong, because it's an ironic take on the sexualisation of women, yeah? Cos like in music videos they are always half naked, yeah? Sure, I mean, it doesn't matter that GaGa is always strutting about in a leotard or thong of some description and has been quoted as saying she doesn't consider herself a feminist because she 'hails' men (thereby failing to give credit to the movement that tries to change the double standard she challenges and perpetuating the stupidly incorrect male hating stereotype).
Was she ironically being ironic about being ironic? Is everything Lady GaGa does ironic? Would she be an ironic vegetarian? Would she eat meat, ironically, whilst tittering and winking at vegetarian passers-by?

Anyway, then this happens:

I can like totally identify, Gah Gah, your body is a crime scene after being raped by the music/advertising industry/fame/men/money. Oh man, you're like even referencing the final scene from Michael Moore's, 'Capitalism: A Love Story,' without even realising it. So what do you propose we do about these issues?

Beyonce arrives in Quentin Tarantino's Pussy. Wagon and they share a metaphorical boner-lesbo moment. Beyonce sings, without the aid of (as much) product placement and so called ironic digs. Because a) she was too uncomfortable, b) she is too stupid and not ironic enough or c) she is so intelligent she was ironically not being ironic? You choose. I vote all three.

Anyway, it continues with lots of pop culture references, product placement and many people dying. Then, the realisation comes to you slowly but surely...oh it's like 'social commentary' on...America...Capitalism...celebrities used in advertising...ooh!Consumerism...food obsession...and stuff...Brilliant(ly vague!)! Thanks GaGa you ambassador of no logos/labels/brands you!! OMG, you are like an in-telek-chall genie!! GaGa you should like totally get Naomi Klein to feature in your next video!!

Ooh I get it. Adverts/junk food/TV and is poison for our brains. You are a true pop philosopher.

Anyway, it doesn't end there. GaGa and Beyonce start dancing in stars and stripes outfits.

With a nauseating excitement you realise they are surrounded by corpses! What does this mean? Is she referencing Thriller? Then BAM! The TRUTH hits you like an atom bomb in the face. They are America! America dances on while people are dead/dying. Whether it's due to Aids, starvation, advertising or war, isn't important. The idea is enough to evoke anarchy. The viewer walks away (because the end of the video is just more pop culture references) shattered, but empowered having been shown the truth.

Nice one GaGa. You have managed to change my entire world view in 9 1/2 minutes. Before I was politically apathetic and now I'm like not, yeah? So I'm off to wave both middle fingers at McDonalds, The Government and your Polaroid adverts, then smoke some glasses.

"(ad)verts b-b-b-buzzing thru ma brain/It's driving me ins-s-s-sane/What's d-d-d-driving us isn't passion, music and art/We need to get off this train."
Or something.
GaGa promotes Polaroid.
Let's be honest, eh?
GaGa has not suddenly started highlighting global issues or sending out actual messages regarding the negative aspects of free trade or materialism. The video's so-called 'social commentary,' doesn't actually critique anything at all. It also seems to be aimed at a rather odd demographic: people elitist enough to snigger corporate brainwashing or depressing dominant values in society, yet feeble-minded enough to succumb to the common place fame hungry Lady GaGa. It's littered with enough pop cultural references for anyone who is interested in anything to pull out and 'identify with', with some controversy thrown if for good measure. She is, at best, another Emimen.
And even then, lyric and wittiness-wise, one could argue that she doesn't even come close. GaGa hasn't yet managed to weave any of her so-called messages, the famed sardonic wit or her cited influences (the German poet, Rilke, or David Bowie) into her music - thus making her seem like a vacuous name dropping prick. GaGa's music lies in the performance and costumes, rather than the actual music itself - which is surely what music should actually be about. Despite what she says about her music having, 'real, genuine, like, soul of innovation, ' it just simply doesn't. It's basic pop, derivative and shows no lyrical talent.

Her songs lack genuine emotion; so what you get when she performs live in an effort to put 'emo-shon' into her songs is a lot of grunting and shouted lines while wearing a see-through throng combined with 34 backing dancers dressed as foetuses, and a lion suspended from the ceiling spraying blood (the latter prop is to ensure controversy). It's about as formulaic as you can get. GaGa herself is a brand surrounded by her Haus of GaGa cronies who style and advise her. GaGa - who thinks she is the epitome of avant-garde - is actually worried she isn't; the result of this: a demented, whoring attempt to fill in the blanks using other media and then cover it up with so-called "A-R-T".

The pop culture references that are deemed 'cool' are just an example of Sociologist theories stating that we no longer experience the world directly; it merely is presented to us as a representation. With Telephone what we have here is the best of the 80s condensed into a bite sized chunk and thrown back in our faces because it's 'cool'. GaGa hasn't created anything new, just regurgitated what has been done before and stamped GaGa TM on it.

There are plenty of truly artistic female artists out there (Bat for Lashes, Roisin Murphy, Bjork, St. Vincent,Regina Spektor, Karen O, Kang Mao to name but a few...) who sing fantastically, write their own - intelligent - lyrics, and play - rather than bang - their own instruments. They command a great stage presence without resorting to the obscene, stripping down to their undies in an attempt to be ironic, or moonlighting within extra-stupendous videos.

Unfortunately many of GaGa's fans don't "get" the idea of musicians anymore; instead they'd rather troll around on BBS boards to debate the meaning of a soul-less video, embrace her outfits more than her music and, regardless of sexual preference, jerk off to the feminist-misogynist that is Gaga's vague incoherent bottomless crack of a persona. Lady Gaga has given birth to an orgy of idiots who don't value true musicians or artists and has made an artistic license out of leading them to believe they are witnessing something that's distorting the boundaries of music and art.

They are witnessing nothing but this:
The rise of an Idiot

Nathan Barley idiot <-------------------> Lady GaGa

Obscene enough for ya?! (Fame Sleaze copyright - Tabitha's musings 2010)
Add to del.icio.us DiggIt! Reddit